April 2, 2010

I never thought when I woke up today that today would be one of the worst days of my life. It started out like a normal day. Conner woke up about 7:45, which isn't normal but oh well. We ate breakfast and hung out. My phone rang at 11:51.. It was my Brother in Law, Ed. I was confused on why he would be calling me, but never thought to much into it. I answered and then he said "My Dad died this morning" and my heart sank. I was sitting there completely speechless. Trying to find some words to say. When we got off the phone it all completely sank in and I lost it. I cried and tried to call Eric's cell phone. Thinking how horrible this phone call was going to be, how heart broken my Husband was going to be to hear that his Father has passed away, shortly after the anniversary of his Mother's death. It made me sick to think of Eric, Karen and Ed losing him. Of all of us losing him. I never got a chance to see him since I've been home. No one ever got the chance to say good bye, or to make sure he knew how much he was loved.

Eric never answered his cell. I had to call the Mississippi quarterdeck and have them call over to Spain and get to Eric so he could call me. When he called I was on the phone with the Red Cross already. Arranging them to call so that he could come home and be with his Brother and Sister and be here to lay his Father to rest. When I answered I asked him if he knew why I needed him to call.. He replied "My Dad died didn't he" and we both lost it. I never felt a feeling so horrible. I never felt so helpless because I just shared this news over the phone, I couldn't be there to hold him and hug him. I wanted to comfort him but all I could offer were words. Nothing can ever make that moment easy. Nothing.

I've never dealt with death that hit so close to home. My heart just broke as everything ran through my head. How hard this was going to be on my Husband and his siblings. How he will never see our kids grow up. How sad I was for all of us to be feeling these emotions and how sad I was that he passed away, alone.

Edward William Bayer - September 15, 1949- April 2, 2010. May you rest in peace and always know that you are loved and missed dearly. Please watch over your Daughter and Sons and help them find comfort in knowing that you are always watching over them. You will always be remembered. I promise to share everything with our kids so that you will never be forgotten. RIP.